Thoughts not spoken

Note this is me just blabbing about stuff.

It seems my dreams are always right. Heck, they led me to finding out that the love of my life had something ongoing with someone else (which is still denied despite texts)…. I hate them though. I only ever have one type of dream about my now ex. It is always of me finding out things he’s doing, him laughing at me about it, him with someone else and them laughing at me. He’s always ignoring me and flaunting being with ‘her’. Whoever her is. Faceless heffer. Will my heart ever let him go? Especially now that we have a son together on the way…. I painfully dread seeing him with someone else. And if you are wondering- yes I left him for so many reasons. So many reasons we can’t live together but a love and chemistry I can’t seem to put a lid on. It makes me mad to have feelings for someone that does not return them. I am such a fool and my pregnant hormones make me even more a fool. I am strong and weak. I am completely weak for this man who has shown me I am not important and am disposable and replaceable. So much hurts me about him and his refusal to understand things. Yet the love is still there. Maybe it would be easy if I had a replacement…. but with baby on the way, I could care less about someone else. I have seen others go through similar situations and now that I’m in it- I am sickened at the thought of allowing someone else into my life right now or a while. I am sickened at the thought of him being with someone else and involving my child. I can only think my bad dreams that are almost reoccurring, are trying to tell me I am nothing but a stepping stone for him to get on to the one he’ll finally break down for. The heffer that will treat him like crap, be a piece of trash, and he will treat like her should have always treated me.